I have this barrier in place keeping myself from actually telling you how I feel sometimes because I don't want you to think I'm having problems because I'm not Mormon. I'm having problems because I'm alive. I am a much stronger, happier, and capable person now. In the past I put up a facade when I was going through hard times because I thought I should be a better person and I was under the impression that better people aren't hurt by these things. This isn't true. I also convinced myself that if I lied to myself about it enough, it would become true. I didn't feel like I was lying to myself at the time because I thought that was what I wanted: to be able to go through hell and be able to calmly move on. But this isn't the case. Someone who does that isn't human. I don't want to be that person. I don't just want to be calm. When there is a problem I want to be the one to say, "This is terrible. We need to change", and then carry that out. I've been learning how to find problems and fix them through my Fiction and Journalism classes. I found this has been a trouble for me previously because I looked at only the good in things. But if you look at only the good, you can't improve. I want to improve.

I know this is a tough issue, and I'm not trying to point fingers, but I don't want to limit what I tell you guys because of how I fear you are going to take it. So, I am trying to put it on the table right now. Maybe it's not the most diplomatic thing to do, but I have to do something. I love you guys, and I'm not trying to accuse you, I'm just trying to let you know where I am coming from.